Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Nice guys finish last

There is really no meaningful background story to this. The joint was just funny, at least I thought it was. Enjoy...

From the title you, the reader, might assume that I, the writer, am alluding to the old adage of nice guys finishing last as in they lose out on some of life’s opportunities because they are too occupied with minding their manners when they need to be hitting the crane or the cobra on these n*ggas and doing the Obama walk on these h*es.

Nope, not that finish last.


Yep, that finish last.


As founder and proud member of V.A.P.T (virgins are people too) it might seem to the untrained eye a bit out of place for me to write a post of this nature. I can assure you though, in good conscience that it is not. You see an idle mind is the devil’s playground and well, Lucifer done set up a six flags on me. All day I dream about sex, the who, what, when, where, why, and how of it all plays in my mind at least 342 times a day, which has led me to some theories.

I am one of those silly gooses who watches to many Disney movies and believes that chivalry isn’t dead, he’s wherever Steve Francis disappeared to just in ICU, and that there are many gentlemen that do their damndest to revive him, in all stages of the dating game.

I don’t know the exact statistics but in deliver us from Eva, Gabrielle Union says that the average American couple has sex on the third date, let’s go with that shall we?
We shall.

Kadija: Thank you for another lovely evening.
Raheem: You’re very welcome, I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you these past few dates.
Kadija: Me too! And I can’t believe you paid for everything, I almost gave you some two dates ago, but then I remembered what Monica said.
Raheem: *chuckle* Well, I don’t want to pressure you or make you feel like you owe me anything, I was just being Shemar Moore’s character in Diary of a Mad Black Woman the man my parents raised me to be.
Kadija: You are such a good man. You respect women, have a good career, look like Idris Elba’s younger brother, and passed my DL test. C’mon in this house boy and let me put it on you before some white woman gets a hold of you!

Kadija and Raheem enter the house, they begin to kiss and caress one another. Raheem does all the right things, the foreplay is purposeful and sensual, and right before he gets ready to slide into home plate he pulls out that coveted golden ticket. Magnum b*tches! And it fits!

Raheem long strokes Kadija into euphoria. When she says faster, he goes faster. When she says deeper, he goes deeper. When she says keep it right there daddy, he keeps it right there, until the heavens open up and Kadija hits the Mariah Carey high note from Vision of Love. Then and only then does Raheem allow himself to join Kadija in her release.

I said that because I read to many Zane books to say this, there is a Raheem out there for everyone. He pays attention and puts his woman first. I can’t tell you where to find him, but I would stay away from the Atlanta and D.C areas.

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