Really Bowwow?

I saw a video today by Bowwow. The song is called Boy or Girl, in the song he talks about the relationship he wants with his unborn child and how he will take care of and support him/her. The message in the song is good, and while I don't have any children of my own I can relate to him wanting the best for the blessing he is about ton receive in the form of his child. The part that got me all in a tizzy was "if I have a girl I pray that she won't be like none of these hoes that I've met throughout my life."

Ninjas kill me with such logic. He even has the nerve to disrespect his child's mother in the song and on blogs. In a lot of cases when dealing with entertainers (rappers, athletes etc.) or men in general when a woman becomes pregnant with their seed she becomes all types of bitches, hoes, skeezers, and the such like. That sh!t is so annoying.

I'm under the belief that if you are having sex with someone with whom you would not be comfortable combining chromosomes with take every precaution to make sure that doesn't happen. If a man cannot think past his penis then he is no man at all. I'm sure we have all taken health, sex ed, or had the talk with a parent, we know how babies are made. If you don't want kids don't phcuk without protection! It's really not that difficult a concept.

Ninjas also kill me with the logic that they can't stand hoes or golddiggers yet that is all you align yourself with. There are numerous good women in the world but let's be real some men would rather smash something quick and easy and then wonder why he is getting served with child support papers. The only reasons groupies and golddiggers are snatching money out of men's pockets left and right is that some men are to weak minded to say no to pussy. You do not have to smash every random chick that gives you the chance, but you do. She is not a hoe, you are an idiot!

 Men don't let your dicks control you, because once you can get past the pussy pursuit better things will await you. I can assure you there are better things than new pussy, and besides no good woman wants to have a baby by your roachin arse anyway.

This song made me really dislike Bowwow, and that's not saying much because I haven't been a fan since like 2003.

Are you African?

Since I have been home from Ghana I have been asked about my cultural origin numerous times. It perhaps is because I have been sporting the bags and jewelry that I purchased in the motherland. It could be that my afro has enjoyed being out and about more frequently, or it could be because my name is so "exotic" sounding. Heck a boy in Ghana asked me if I was Ghanaian after hearing my name.

I have not gone a week without someone asking me or a person I'm with if I am African, and to me it is the most fabulous compliment. Lots of black Americans though take it as an insult and calling someone African has been used as a cutdown for as long as I can remember and that has always hurt my feelings.

But, not to go into a rant about the African diaspora and the brainwashing that black Americans have gone through about the continent, I am totally estatic that my Africaness seems to be so pronounced these days. In fact I have been asked out by three African men and one from Trinidad in the last month. What can I say I'm international baby. I do wonder what has been so appealing to these men from across the ocean that is attracting them to me, so I asked of course.

One said I looked like an interesting person, he later admitted that my hair being on one hundred thousand trillion the day he met me. He said I looked like a "free spirit." Another said "my smile was breathtaking" which is weird because I totally hate my smile.

To make a long post short, or bring this short post to an end I now tell all new people that I am from Ghana and cheese super hard when someone ask me if I'm African.

Sometimes I Cry

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster this past week. I have been through a range of extreme loneliness to extreme hate and I will tell you why. Please realize that I already feel like a horrid person for my overt and passionate reaction to an experience I had yesterday so please reserve your judgement or at least try to understand where I'm coming from.

First the lonely.

 I often discuss my disdain for all things romantic but I will have you know that I am indeed a sucker for love. Now I have no clue how I will react to love when it comes my way and a part of me secretly hopes it does not. Being in a relationship, a real relationship, not just the friends with benefits kind is awfully terrifying to a loner such as myself. It would force me to confront my 2nd worst earthly fear which is growing up. I cannot even begin to express how uncomfortable commitment makes me feel. Writing about it right now makes me queasy. I am not afraid of getting hurt per say but more afraid of hurting the other person. Truth be told I have issues, having another person that close to me in such an intimate way forces me to take responsibilty for my fears and confront them coming full circle back to the issue of me not wanting to grow up. And as much as I love those of the testosterone elegantly put, boys are stupid.

Second the hate.

I make known my disdain for motherhood more often than I do relationships. Becoming "with child" is my first earthly fear. It has become a running joke of my close friends and family of my nervousness of the "little people." People usually respond to my vow to subject my uterus to a barren grave with claims of me being the one to produce an obscene amount of children (after I am wed of course). Whether or not my side or theirs will prevail is yet to be seen, but the Discovery Channel, and Courtney Cox, slammed me face first into my own paranoia.

 Last night as I cleaned my room a documentary came on the Discovery Channel, narrated by Courtney Cox, about for lack of a better term "where babies come from." The documentary followed three expectant mothers from conception until childbirth.

Unfortunately they did not show the conception, which as I've heard is the best part about this whole mess anyway, but I suppose that is a whole other documentary. While I'm sidetracking I must say I was hurt to see that out of the three expectant mothers, 2 white 1 black, the black woman's husband/boyfriend/spermdoner was no where to be found. It's like damn could we not find a married black woman to participate? Four words ste-re-o-type!

Anywho fast forward to the birthing process and ummm yuck. New born babies fresh out the womb are the creepiest little life forms  on earth. They're all bloody and slimy and crying with big ole heads. They look like aliens. After watching one woman be in labor for 22 hours, one almost die from high blood pressure due to her pregnancy, and one just screaming her head off I couldn't help but think to myself "My God, why would anyone want to purposely put themselves through this hell, some multiple times, only for that little phcuker to grow up and be a pain in the arse?" And then I burst into tears. No. Really. I began to cry profusely. I cried for two reasons.

1. Everything in my soul rejected motherhood on the spot, I hated the fact that pregnancy and childbirth were such a trainwreck of experience for women, I hated that men could never experience the plight of women and our reproductive system, I hated the children that caused their mothers so much pain, and I hated the fact that I was outrightly giving the finger to the whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing.

2. I cried because I felt as though I am a horrible person for feeling all those things and despising part of my make-up as a woman. Like if I never get married and have children I'll be letting my family, and even God down and who wants to let God down right?

So that's been my last week in a nutshell. Probably not the most uplifting post after a 2 month absence but there it is. I should probably warn that the next few will be a little Drake-ish as well.

Drake-ish (noun)- extremely emotional, sad, all up in one's feelings.