Double Consciousness

W.E.B. Dubois speaks of the double consciousness that black Americans go through. The plaguing question if one can be truly both black and American. Given the history of black people in this country that is a valid question and one that I myself have struggled with. Even more so after my visit in Ghana, West Africa. As a woman though there is another double consciousness that I feel impacts my life (quadruple consciousness?).

Can I be both the housewife and the independent woman?

These two categories seem to contradict one another. The housewife lives her life based on her husbands merit alone. Her husband is her provider, and her hero. She is submissive to his will because he is the controlling factor in the household. This is not a bad scenario to me, having a man that can and does provide for myself and children is a wonderful fantasy amongst today's status quo of deadbeat fathers and lazy men. The thought of providing three square meals a day, being available for my husband and children at anytime, and not being caught up in the madness that can be the outside workforce is quite appealing, heck the housewives on tv make it look like a ton-o-fun.

 But I grew up on Beyonce not Betty Crocker.

I am a daughter of the age of female liberation. I didn't go to college to get a husband, my mother never made being a good wife one of the life lessons I learned. Marriage in itself is strange to me, a foreign concept, I like most women of my era are starting to view marriage like men. Do I really want to be locked down to one man? I have men friends now, and each one of them is special to me because he fulfills a different need. Being the wife of one means I'll have to "forsake all others." No thank you. I don't want to live my life at my husband's discretion. If I want to shop, I want to pick up the platinum Visa with my name on it and go shop. If I want to jump up and go to Tahiti with my girls, I don't want to have to clear it with my husband and make preparations for the Kinky jrs. to be taken care of. 

Obviously there is a balance that can be reached if one has a loving husband to share the load with, but in my fragile just barely out of my teens mind it doesn't seem like an attainable goal for me. On the bright side I don't have a man or any prospects right now anyway, I'm sure I have time to think this out.

P.S Follow me on twitter. @coiette18.

Marvin's Room

There has been a lot of buzz about Drake's new song. In my humble opinion the song is good. Not because he did anything spectacular lyrically, in fact the lyrical content was quite elementary for Drake. The song to me is good because of the relatable elements in the song.

1. Drunk dialing
2. Being horny
3. The ex-factor

I believe it's safe to say most of us have done all three. I have. More than once.

Drunk dialing is the result of being drunk and horny. For ladies it's about getting it in without raising their partner number, because everyone knows repeats don't count, it's the same dhick everytime you go back to it. And even though the relationship fell through like a rock on wet toilet paper you don't have to teach that old dog new tricks, and until that new chick can kick her leg behind her ear like you can, Tyrone is only a phone call away.

For the fellas it's about the love being a sure thing. It's the bottom of the ninth, the club is closing, and the bases are not loaded. The brotha has struck out and the game is over. But wait! Somewhere in phase I&II a young girl is tweeting about how niggas ain't sh!t and she's not gon cry. With a quick "are you up?" text yesterday's ex-girlfriend becomes tonight's booty call. Game, set, match.

Personally I think I'm perfect, not in a snobbish way, in a way that makes it borderline impossible for me to believe that a man could find a suitable replacement after having the experience of my company no longer available. "F*ck that nigga that you love so bad, I know you still think about the times we had." That line makes perfect sense to me, only replace nigga with bish.
I can think  of two examples in particular that constantly boggle my mind. Where the guy is with a girl that looks like the spitting image of a goriffalo *copyright @raebadu* when he could have had me. Yes me! In my mind I exceed most women in most areas of desirability yet she has a man that should be at my disposal. F*ck that bish.

This song is everything that everyone feels after the Q club, the Jungle, or any other miscellaneous hole in the wall let's out, and that is what makes it good. Drake understands the people. And that ladies and gentlemen is what Marvin's Room means to me.

Drake 2012.

Goodbye T.O.N.Y

I actually have a friend named Tony, but this post is in no way a reference to him. In fact I haven't seen or heard from him in such a long while that I much rather say hello. Back to the post. The title is in reference to the song T.O.N.Y by Solange Knowles, a really slept on singer/songwriter, in terms of true artistry Beyonce can't hold a candle to her.
T.O.N.Y is an acronym for The Other Night Y(why)? In the song she chronicles her night of unprotected sex and a subsequent pregnancy. The hook is "I could have been in love by now it it wasn't for T.O.N.Y." That is not my situation, no unexpected or expected pregnancies this way.
But to say that I am unaware of sexual shenanigans and the guilt they bring would be inaccurate, therefore I'm saying goodbye T.O.N.Y. See, all those who know me know that I haven't done the horizontal polka, but I recently for lack of a better word, and in an effort to not tell all my business, ummmm...sinned and fell short of the glory of God.
I was that girl who thought that since I didn't actually do the do I was still in the clear. Go ahead call me a hypocrite, I have now seen the error of my ways. The guilt that I recently felt was very much real and all I could think about was a certain someone who really rocks my socks, and if he knew of my wayward ways may put a damper on whatever relationship we're trying to avoid having<---That don't make no sense huh?
I won't mimic Solange and say "I could have been in love by now if it wasn't for T.O.N.Y" because love like compliments is another thing I'm am trying to learn to accept gracefully when it comes, and it wouldn't hurt to actually live up to the image that most people are seemingly predisposed to have of me.
I don't know how long this self imposed "drought" will last seeing as though I am merely a woman, but at least for the rest of this week there will be no regrettable T.O.N.Y's for me.

I'm not even going to answer that text message I just received from that cutie I'm dern near in love with. Pray for me.

Compliments

I am a woman. According to Chris Rock I need three things food, water, and compliments. I agree. I try not to fish for compliments from men or women, but I am trying to learn how to accept them gracefully when they come. Compliments make a woman like me, who's self esteem fluctuates like a diabetics blood sugar level  even out for the most part. And in all honesty I like it, I like it, I really really like it. If I had any good sense, which I don't, I would say something like I rather a man call me beautiful instead of hot but that just aint the truth. If you see me, you like me, and can say it without calling me a bitch then bring on the lovin'.
Tell me I have a fat ass, or that my "girls" look extra attentive today, or that I have beautiful thighs, or even that I look lickable (just don't actually lick me. post coming soon.) And of course my all time favorite and the thing that might get you some of that becky is to compliment my hair. Tell me you like the kinks and I am yours, at least for the next several minutes.
I believe today's man has lost sight of how far a simple compliment can go with a woman. Big cars, chains, and money in rubberbands are cool if your're looking for a hoodrat but a simple "you look so pretty today" can take her attitude from "nigga please" to" nigga how can I please you?"
Women, or at least the ones like me, want to be the submissive, cooking, cleaning (but still aint no punk) type wife for a man, but it's very hard to find yourself interested in a man when the most suave thing he can think to say is "I'ma make it rain bitch."
Now you might ask why is it so important for a man to constantly reassure a woman of her attractiveness blah, blah, blah and I would answer its the same reason men ask "who's p*ssy is this?"or "what's my name?" during intercourse. It just makes you feel good about yourself. Compliments get you in the door, however meaning them keeps you there. Nothing is worse than someone giving you a compliment out of sympathy or to shut you up. Ever found out your girl faked it? Yea, same concept.
So what I'm trying to say is, tell me a woman how wonderful I she is. Whether she is your mother, sister, friend, girlfriend, baby mama, or a random woman you see during the day, it will make the world a better place.
Two points if she's black, Five if she has natural hair, and a 10$ gas card if you mean it.